I’ve done a lot of self-reflection in the last fourteen hours.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
Crying isn’t something I do well. In fact, I hate it. But, I’ve learned when I cry, something inside me changes, evolves. I’ve learned crying is a good thing.
Why do we run from movies, books, that we know will tap into our emotions?
A Dog’s Purpose, Beaches (remember that one?), Beautiful Boy, Saving Beck, The Fault in Our Stars, My Sister’s Keeper, because I was too afraid to feel. Beautiful stories that will no doubt tug on our hearts, we run the other way—why?
Fear of tears?
Fear of vulnerability?
Fear of feeling? ( Ewwww….I was guilty of this for a long time)
Fear of what others will think?
Fear of where the story will take us with our own thoughts, our own lives?
I know 90% of my worries (I don’t have many these days) are based on fear, and they’re usually fears that are out of my control anyway. If it’s something I can’t change, why hold back and keep myself from experiencing the beautiful things?
3 of my top fears:
I can’t change the fact that cancer exists. I can’t change the fact that people make awful decisions. I can’t change the fact that accidents happen.
But what I can change is the way I look at things. I can have an open mind today. Willingness. I have control to feel through things today and not avoid/run away from because of fear that keeps me bound to self.
I didn’t want to go see A Dog’s Way Home, but my children wanted to go see it. I knew to go into this—I was going to ugly cry. I’m so grateful I went. I’m so grateful my children got to see a powerful movie. I’m grateful they got to see my tears. Watch me suck back air because of the power of a great story. The little eyes that watched me while I wept. And you know, I cried in this movie over the profound, beautiful moments: friendship, love, commitment, perseverance amidst awful circumstances.
When I push through fear and allow truth, I’m exposed to a whole new layer of self, and the most beautiful thing happens—I learn something more about life, about me.
Today, I’m grateful for stories that bring this out in me.
I love this quote from Mike Posner’s new song, Move On:
I feel pain, I don't want to But I have to, yeah, I have to If I want to move on...
Happy Tuesday, friends!
(My ego wants to tell you that this is unedited and posted before 7am.) 😂🤦🏼♀️ #workinprogress