I’m not the best writer in the world, nor the worst writer in the world. I am an amateur writer that simply would not give up. I honed my craft and worked countless hours to allow my book to take on meaning—not just for me but also for my readers, hopefully.
Life is about taking chances. I was terrified of people reading my work. T-e-r-r-i-f-i-e-d.
What will readers/the industry think of me?
What will they say?
They will hate it, I know.
Perhaps they will say ‘please, spare us the time. You should never write again. It was horrendous.’
I remember in fifth grade, Mr. Feldman, the band teacher, explained to me, very kindly, that maybe I wasn’t cut out for playing the saxophone. I was crushed. I hauled this huge saxophone around with me everyday. I practiced and practiced. Perhaps I might suite better in sports, he said.
I gave up on the saxophone that day.
But with writing, it’s something that exists deep inside me. A story must be told. A vision unveiled, a lesson taught, a heartache explained, a love lost, ghost sex, whatever.
Gotcha, didn’t I?
Sometimes I question the higher being’s will for me.
Can I make it in this industry?
Can my heart handle all of the feedback? Can it handle the taste of critizism? Because surely not everyone will love what I write.
Will this change the course of my family’s life?
Will it be a total flop?
Here’s the deal. I don’t know what the future holds. Bottom line. All I know is that I love to write books. I overcame a big fat fear to put my words out in the public’s eye—opened myself up and exposed my heart, veins and all. And it’s terrifying but I would rather live with my heart’s desire than lived wrapped up in ‘what if I would haves…’ Fear can be a scary place to live. Fear can eat you alive if you allow it. It starts in your head, because that’s where our fear grows. Then it spreads to your heart, then your guts, then eats away at your limbs until you are paralyzed.
So, on that January day, I got a break. I GOT A BREAK! A publishing house offered not only accept my first book, but the three that follow. That I haven’t written yet. That I need to start working on. See, here goes that fear again.
Did I get rejections? You bet! I don’t think you can work in this business without one or several. There are more to come, I am sure of that.
I’m one of the lucky ones. I’ll say it again, I’m not the best writer in the world or the worst writer in the world; simply, someone believed in me.
It’s in my opinion that we, as humans, with a beating heart, discount our abilities or make light of them. I think we don't give ourselves enough credit. If we have a little faith and take the leap, overcome the fear, and get out of our heads—I think we can do great things.