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SUPER glued


Never, ever—by any means—attempt to open super glue with your mouth.

Ever.

Here’s how it went:

I busted a nail by attempting to shut my car door this morning.

It hurt.

Really bad.

It hurt so bad that I said a few choice words under my breath thinking it will alleviate the hot burning sensation in my finger.

It doesn’t.

I carry super glue in my purse for situations like these. I grab it and notice that the opening is sealed shut.

What do I do you ask?

WHAT DO I DO?

Here’s what I did: I use my mouth to open the super glue.

And what happens? It explodes in my mouth.

My lips, on the right, side are super glued shut and the panic sets in. I cannot move the right side of my mouth. I’m pretty sure there’s super glue in the back of my throat.

In a matter of seconds, here’s my thought process:

-What if the super glue closes my throat? Omigod.

-What if I can’t breathe?

-What if I’m allegoric to super glue and it makes my throat swell shut? And my kids? They’re in the back of the car! Who will get them out if I die?

Thank goodness a voice of reason rolls around in my head “Jenn chill out. You can breathe. You’re fine.” I attempt to pry lips apart and I’m pretty sure in the process, I’ve ripped my skin off. It hurts more than my broken nail. I start to calm down but there’s still super glue in my mouth that tastes terrible and now my face is red because I attempt to peel off the dried super glue.

All of this for a broken nail? Not worth it.

Now I have drop my child off at preschool and go to work. I know they will stare at my red face.

If someone asks what happened to my face, I will tell this story.

Or lie.

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